Taking a moment to whine.

I am so tired this week:

My feet are sore.
My back is aching.
My shoulders are so tense my hands quiver.
My body is functioning purely from the adrenaline rush of juggling everything to the T.
My face is on the threshold of breaking out.
My mouth moves but I don't really know what I'm saying.
My eyes are asymmetrically shadowed by dark circles (or rather 'blotches' as a friend calls it).
My hair is dropping.
My mind is racing.

When will everything just stop?

I am so tired this week.

Taking a moment...

To celebrate my 25th!

I decided to grow up and love every minute of it ( or spend the next minute loving it - whichever works). Looking back, it seems my 25th year is a year of first's.

It is the year, I

- won my first (and probably only) academic achievement award
- made my first (and probably only) speech
- first spoke to a minister, got his email and took pictures with him (woo hoo!=p)
- took out my first car loan
- bought my first car
- got my first (official) job
- received my first (official) paycheck
- paid my first income tax bill
- had my first (alcoholic) drink with my long time pri sch buddy currently known as Double D
- first fell below 52kg since junior college (because there's no time to eat or snack at work)
- first had short hair as an (*gasp) adult
- first visited a drag queen cabaret in Singapore
- first kept to a new year's resolution i.e not to get pissed drunk at a club anymore
- first stopped getting pissed drunk at a club ( I wonder if this led to my first point above)
- first experienced having my heart stopped by medication (- this has nothing to do with the above)
- first got diagnosed with SVT (and finally found validation from years of being thought to be a hypochondriac)
- first understood the true meaning of being neurotic.

All in all, while this is really not the first time I've ever tried to appreciate becoming older, I do think it might actually be the first time I've come to enjoy it.

So cheers everyone !

It has been a happy 25th birthday for me, and I wanna thank those of my friends who've made it so awesome this year.

Some chicken jokes for the soul (courtesy of Savage Chickens.com)

For the psychoanalyst in all of us.
















For the uninspired in all of us.





















For the drama- mama in all of us.
















For the romantic in all of us.


















For the elitist in all of us.





















For the sarcastic s.o.b in all of us.

















For the 'woman' in all of us.













Finally for all of us in denial:

Do I have the heart...

to keep spending $540 bucks per visit to the hospital? - I do wonder now.

Went to school as usual, punctually, clocking in at 620am. But the moment I reached out a hand to turn on the lights and coughed - I knew it was going to be a looong day when my heart dropped and wouldn't stop whacking itself against my chest wall. By 9am I decided, hell, I'll just take those pills the Doc gave me the last time that's supposed to lower my blood pressure so much I could faint anytime. Either way, I'll be green.

Time flies really fast at work, so somehow I sludged my way through the morning without realising that it had been more than an hr and the pill still hadn't worked. But it's funny how the work keeps on going and I kept on procrastinating dealing with more urgent matters like - my life. At this point, I no longer know whether or not this condition and its implication (that I have a higher chance of just kicking the bucket suddenly) is cause for concern and immediate action. That I can so calmly and matter-of-factly pack up my things in preparation for my absence at work just goes to show that somehow my priorities are as out of whack as my heart is.

Finally at 1245pm, after throwing as much work into a paper bag as I can carry to my car, I left for my favourite hospi, to what I know will be another flat-line experience to ironically traumatise my heart in order to save it. Once again, I became "the SVT case" but this time, the doctors/ nurses all commented: "you're so calm - not your first time ah?"

Indifference - worse than a heart condition?

Nevertheless, when I got the bill, I was stunned into a new reality.

If...
every visit to the hospital for every time my heart can't control itself = $540
and
one operation to "cure" it completely i.e cardio ablation = $ 8K

then is it more worth while to go for the op despite all its risks than spend a lifetime ahead of in-and-outs to the A&E ward?

Should I risk being part of the 1% statistic who are likely to come out of the operation with more problems than they entered with, to save money?

I know what money is worth. But a heart. That's kinda different, isn't it?